‘Member in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s (Philosopher’s) Stone when Harry’s in the forbidden forest and he finds Voldemort drinking unicorn blood? That is me over my coffee. Half-dead, sucking down the sweet nectar of immortality, dripping lifeblood down my sleepy jowls.

‘Member in Flubber when Flubber jumps into that guy’s body? That’s me when I see the pile of miserable papers I left myself over the weekend. Eyes wide, unbelieving, stomach churning.

‘Member Yao Ming? That’s me when I remember it’s Monday and that I hate Mondays.

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