I have no plan for today’s post. Not that this is anything new. How long can you call something a transition period? Because I’m still trying to wrap my head around my new job, traffic (My God, the traffic!), researching my book, writing my book, having a social life, and that pesky little thing called sleep.

As much as I enjoy the comfort of my bed, I would totally eliminate sleep if I could. When all humans are made in test tubes and are genetically modified to be superhuman, androgynous, and “perfect” I bet they’ll eliminate the need for sleep. Instead, people should just stand up every four hours, in perfect unison around the world, and shake violently, flinging dead cells into the air. Then everyone would be glowing and renewed. Superhuman race, here we come!

Of course there would be an underground society of “natural” humans, because, hello, that’s how it is in all books/movies dealing with this. Or there would be one scientist who feared for the world and he would make a boy baby and a girl baby in a test tube, but they would be different and they would bring about the re-genesis of humanity…

Sorry. Tangential imagining. I feel like I should have a business card that just says:
Kaitlin Wehlmann
Purveyor of Tangential Imagining

When I was about 8 or 9, the one thing I wanted in life was to be an Imagineer at Disney World. Because HELLO I haven’t stopped imagining things since I could think and I love Disney. They’ll rue the day they ended that program. Rue. The. Day.

That was a tangent to a tangent. I was going to talk about the annoyingly mortal need for sleep. Perhaps I should munch on some ambrosia and become a demigod. Pretty sure I could rustle some ambrosia up from somewhere. Foodnetwork maybe has a recipe.

Last night’s rest was interrupted when I got the leg cramp of all leg cramps at 4:11 in the morning. It was awful. I think I need more sodium in my diet. Or something. I also totally overslept this morning. Whoops. I blame the leg cramp. I need one of those alarm clocks that like sends your whole room into a violent earthquake-like vibration. Actually, I need something that is different every day because it’s the routine-ness of my alarm that makes me get used to it.

I should patent that idea super quick. I’ll call it “Personal Earthquake Alarm-Clock/Earthquake Preparedness Simulation Apparatus” because it could have a functional use, testing your room to see if you’re ready for an earthquake.

Imagineer that!

4 thoughts on “Get Real

  1. Kate

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! This may be one of my favorite blog posts yet! Or I also suffer from lack of sleep making everything the FUNNIEST thing since we watched Into the Woods that one special, special day of years past. ANYWHO, it made me laugh. And you are wonderful. :)


  2. Marquita Yager

    You should get one of the “movers,” it’s a new breed of alarm clock coming from a dozen different manufacturers that run off the table, fly into the air, or roll away from the user when they go off. It’s like a demented, noisy Roomba for your awakening.


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