Thank God it’s Thursday. Not only because that means it’s Trejo Tursday but also because I don’t have Friday classes, so Thursday is my Friday. 3 classes to go until freedom. That doesn’t sound so bad, in the scheme of life.
But oh, ohhhhhhh. My life is a shambles.
Not only am I living in a cloud of heady, hazy allergies that make me seem just the teensiest bit permastoned (adj. “The physical and mental state sometimes aquired by someone who consistently smokes, or used to smoke, a lot of weed. Typically characterized by the feeling and appearance of being stoned even when one is still technically sober.” Thanks Urban Dictionary!), but they also make me just deaf enough to have to ask almost everyone to repeat what they’ve said to me and makes the roar of my powerful singing voice almost deafening as it reverberates off of my fluid-filled head.
I also have no depth perception, due to the fact that I am still rocking one contact. It makes riding escalators and dodging potholes particularly exhilarating and dangerous. When I’m not in class I wear my glasses, but they give me a headache. So, for those playing along at home, that is TWO DIFFERENT headaches! In one little head! (Okay it’s a big head. For my big brain.)
So that’s my life right now. Let me just list some other complaints about the world for you.
* Tongue twisters that aren’t difficult.
* People with chin zits and gorilla nostrils (That’s for you, ElizaMacBeth)
* The fact that no one’s invented a bed that cleans you while you sleep. BathBed. Get on it.
* Grown @$$ women who speak in wittle baby voices.
* The misogynists in my feature screenwriting class.
* People who think they’re better than other people.
* Shallow, narcissistic people.
* That they made Bring it On sequels.
* The mini panic attacks I keep getting because I’m afraid something will go dreadfully wrong and I won’t be allowed to graduate.
* The fact that SweeTarts are delicious but if you eat more than like 2 packs of 3, they make your tongue peel.
* The memory of biting down on the fun-dip stick after all the candy powder was gone. Chalk.
* The fact that no one speaks jive anymore.
* Raindrops keep falling on my head.
* The fact that Pushing Daisies was cancelled.
* The fact that not all HEBs are open 24/7.
And there you have it. The humble petitions of the colonies for redress of grievances and reconciliation with Great Britain. Or, you know, stuff that’s annoying to this grumpy, allergic, eyepatched ho (That’s for you, Clarisa.) of a Took.