Trucco is makeup in Italian. I learned this in the fifth grade when I read the charming Bloomability by Sharon Creech. A quick Google search confirmed that I had remembered the word and translation perfectly, including that the character who translates this word is quick to comment that trucco also means “trick.” Put that in your pipe and promptly prominently display it, because I don’t condone smoking. Now if only I could remember where I put my favorite velour lounge pants. On second thought, I prefer velveteen. Both for its rudimentary lexical inclusion of “teen,” and also in a sweat pant. But I digress.

Makeup Monday is (for this week only, thank the Gods and not the Italians) Trucco Tuesday. Let us commence with the tomfoolery.

Mascara. Can’t (and won’t) leave home without it. One of those desert island items. You know, “If you could only have five things with you on a desert island, what would you choose?” My list usually includes chapstick, mascara, the complete works of William Shakespeare, some form of man, and a boat.

Anywho, with my determination to have the thickest, longest lashes this side of a Latisse commercial, I have tried many a mascara. I am also appropriately approving of alliteration. Ergo, for your reading pleasure, I have provided a list of my decidedly unprofessional opinion about several popular mascaras. Enjoy.

1) Covergirl Lashblast Volume Blasting Mascara.

What it lacks in an original, non-repetitive name it makes up for in excellent lashes.

I love, love love this mascara. I hope you applied the pause in that statement where I wanted; with the comma. In my experience, it is buildable, doesn’t flake, and is, in fact, volumizing. The brush took a little getting used to, and is, for lack of a better word, a little poke-y, but effective. Definitely a pick for top drugstore brand mascara. I will always be faithful to you, awkward orange tube.

2) DiorShow Mascara

There's a Kanye lyric somewhere in here.

Yawn. Retailing at $24.50, this is for all the brand whores out there who don’t care about results. For the record, I only dropped $9.00 on a sample size and thank God because I am unimpressed with this mascara. In my experience, the brush cakes with product and is too big to effectively do what the product claims. I noticed a lengthening in my lashes, but they seemed wispy, like spider legs. I did not notice a curl and while the mascara itself was technically buildable, it took so many coats even pastel nail polishes were laughing. This is personal preference, but it was also nowhere near dark enough for my preferences. Next.

3) DiorShow Blackout Mascara

Nothing to DiorShow for the money. That was awful. I apologize.

Also for the record, this came in a sample set with the original DiorShow. I was not stupid enough to purchase another DiorShow mascara. I like to think it was thrust upon me by Jedi mind tricks and stellar advertising campaigns. This mascara has all the negatives of the Original DiorShow except that it is darker, which helps matters such as wispy-ness.  Still would not recommend for the price.

4) Benefit Bad Gal Lash

Mostly I like that they try to make mascara feel dirty. And given the bacteria that get transferred to the tube, that's not so far off.

I like this mascara, though it takes a few too many coats to achieve my desired thickness. Over-all it’s not bad, but I find it to be on par with the lesser CoverGirl mascaras (not Lashblast), which, for $19.00 registers on the redonk Richter scale. It’s nice enough, but nothing special.

5) Maybelline The Falsies Volum’ Express Mascara

I can't even make sense of why they wouldn't just name it "Falsies Mascara." Someone give me a job naming drugstore makeup!

I adore this mascara, in spite of its name. The curved brush takes some getting used to, but I really like it. It allows you to get every eyelash and use every bit of the mascara before you re-dip. One coat does you nice and natural and two coats is diva. I’m not sure where my mixed language is coming from today, but you’re welcome. For drugstore prices, this is a great mascara. I have noticed a little flakiness, but mostly just after I forget to wash it off at night (for shame, I know. Do as I say, not as I don’t wash my face.) Try it, you like it!

6) Makeup Forever Smoky Lash

Akin to the smoking jacket for gentlemen. But for ladies and eyelashes.

Ohmigahhhh. I adore this mascara. It’s ridiculously priced but ridiculously worth it! It actually coats every lash and curls them. My eyelashes have never been thicker. I want to say I adore this mascara, but I already did. I’m at a loss for words. I will say to make sure the lid is screwed on tightly before you toss it back in your mascara bag (what, not everyone has mascara bags?), because once this baby starts to dry out it’s more difficult than painting a moving wagon wheel with a toothbrush. (Where are these words coming from? I am ashamed.) Again, my opinion is just my opinion, but any time you see my lashes looking other-worldy, it is because of this secret weapon.

7) Clinique High Impact Mascara

The old advert with the black sky-high heel might have everything to do with this recommendation.

This is a great mid-range mascara. It won’t completely rob the bank and  yet you brand whores (why do so many of you read my blog? Be gone!)  will be pleased it’s not drugstore generic. (I take it back. All whores are welcome here. Okay, seriously. Who am I and where have I placed my verbal filter?) It’s buildable and I place it slightly above Benefit Bad Gal. But it’s $6.00 cheaper, so everyone wins. Even you, brand whores. (Sorry.)

And with that, I end this list. Partially because I like the number seven and partially because those are the only mascaras in my mascara bag worth mentioning.

If you have the time, I’d love to hear from you! What mascara do you swear by? Do you have any topical interests for a future Makeup Monday? (/ Trucco Tuesday in case another stupid holiday interrupts our natural rhythm.)

Battening the Lashes,


P.S. I am the most proud of that sign off. Dang. If this post was wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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