Since I could write and since my grandmother gifted me a unicorn diary (with a lock!) when I was five, I have been fond of expressing myself with DRAMATIC FLARE! And sketches! And paltry excuses for song lyrics! And melodramatic poetry!

Let’s take this example from 12/14/02. I was 13.

Unbridled Life It’s a cruel Life “In This Cruel Life”

You’re the last thing I think of
When I fall asleep.
You’re the first thing I think of
When I wake up.
You’re in the air I breathe,
In the thoughts I think,
In every beat my heart beats.

All I want is to be with you,
But that is the last thing I could do.
My hand reaches for yours
But then I draw back even more.
It’s a cruel life
Full of pain and strife.
All I want is my prince charming,
My white knight, so disarming,
But I have to avoid a fight,
In this cruel life.

You’re the first word
On my tongue,
You’re the biggest
Thought of all.
But I have to keep it in,
Pretend that I don’t care.
Play along like I’m not there.

All I want is to be with you,
But it’s the last thing I can do.
My head leans toward yours,
But it’s back before you’re sure.
It’s a cruel life,
It cuts like a knife.
All I want is my super Hero (<<original capitalization.)
My loving and caring Superman.
But it’s too bad I’m your Kryptonite
In this cruel life.

You’re the answer
To my questions.
You’re the form
Of my suggestions.
But I have to put out that fire,
Pretend that I’m a liar.
Find another buyer.

All I want is to be with you,
But that is the last thing I could do.
My hand reaches for yours
But then I draw back even more.
It’s a cruel life
Full of pain and strife.
All I want is my prince charming,
My white knight, so disarming,
But I have to avoid a fight,
In this cruel life.

But I still love you,
Even in this cruel life.

**************

And scene.  Please, take a moment to laugh. No, I don’t remember who I was writing about. I was (and still am, apparently) very fickle when it came to love. If I caught someone looking at another girl or caught a whiff of their post-gym B.O., it was sayonara.

How about the chorus from the song penned 11/13/02 titled “The Pressure to Succeed?”

There’s a pressure to succeed
Stop! Before your soul starts to bleed.
Must it take stress to succeed?
Success is not always what we need.
So Stop! Before your soul starts to bleed.

How about the undated, unfinished little diddy aptly called “I’ll Be There?” I’m unsure if I was inspired by the Friends theme song, but their version wins, as you’ll see. I think this predates ’02, as you’ll see since I’m going to leave in all errors, cross outs, and original spellings.

When your heart starts to feel alarm
& UR smile starts 2 loose it’s charm
When your head starts to spin
When you feel you cant wait win
All you gotta due do is just hold on.

When your clothes feel way out of style
And trying to think takes a while
When you can’t consentrate
When you feel UR 2 late,
All U gotta do is just hold on.

And I’ll be there,
U know I always will,
I’ll be there to hold U thru the nite,
Untill the morning comes and takes
UR problems Away.

When UR mind starts to feel the pain
and you realize life isn’t a game

****

Another untitled, undated, unfinished failure is this. Please, tell me if you can make any sense of it, or know what, exactly, it is about which I am writing.

It’s like being abused by a baby.
It’s like throwing a punch at a beauty queen.
It’s like laying in bed when you’re hyper.
It’s like watching yourself on a movie screen.

It’s like kissing a prince to get a frog.
It’s like getting sweat in your eye.
It’s like mowing the lawn by hand.
It’s like letting him make you cry.

… … … HAHAHAHAHAH RAUCOUS LAUGHTER! Mowing the lawn by hand? What does that even mean?!? HAHAHAHAHA. Sadly for me, I think I was around 14 judging by my handwriting and proper grammar.

I also found a 4th grade version of when I remixed “In the Jungle (A weem a weh).” I will not post such awful.

I, shockingly, found the first song I ever wrote. I was in 3rd grade, and it is titled “Life is Hard.” I’m not sure what, exactly, is hard about life when you’re eight, but here it is, in its sweet entirety:

Life is hard,
But you gotta live it through.
Life is hard,
But I keep on loving you!

We can’t see the future,
Neither you or I.
Doesn’t matter, we can’t waste it,
Time flies by.
Gotta take a chance once in a while,
Or it doesn’t matter if you step an inch
Or run a mile.

We can see the trees,
Swaying in the breeze.
We can’t see the air,
But we know it’s there!

Life is hard,
But you gotta live it through.
Life is hard,
But I keep on loving you!

Life is a hard game,
But inside we’re all the same.
Dark or light,
Black or white,
When they open up and let you hear their mind,
You might be surprised at what you find.

Life is hard,
But you gotta live it through.
Life is hard,
But I keep on lovin” you!

There are other contenders, but I think “Life is Hard” might be my opus. I also found several not-so awful songs, but those aren’t embarrassing enough to post online and this is already far too long. The reason I felt like diving back into my past in the first place was that I wrote a poem on Saturday for the first time in many years. It saddens me that when I’m going through 4 rEaL hard life, I haven’t used writing to work through my emotions. I hope Saturday was a clue that I will start again.

Stuck “In This Cruel Life,”

–Kaitlin

One thought on “Ah, poetry. Yes, this it what I want! Naughty words!

  1. Pingback: Saturday’s Poem « Kaitlin Wehlmann's Blog

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