This may (not) come as a surprise, but I am single. So single, it would seem, that Facebook feels the need to remind me of that fact Every. Single. Day.

“Want to meet Christian singles?” it taunts me in the sidebar of nefarious advertisements. I am usually able to smirk and say “Yes, of course,” or “Not on Zoosk, I don’t.” But recently the ads have become a little more, shall we say, aggressive.

“All alone?” One read the other day. Thanks, Facebook. now I’m acutely aware of my aloneness.

“Why Not You?” It asked, with a picture of Snooki, of all the ungodly people. It wanted me to apply to an Austin-based reality dating show.

No, thank you.

 

Though often taunted and occasionally tempted, I have never clicked on the abusive dating adverts. Facebook recently took note of this and became down-right cruel. Right below the Kristin Chenoweth Quiz! and right above the Hair and Nails for $20, I see this:

Designer Engagement Rings!

O, Facebook, thou art a bestial and callous wench! Of course I want a designer engagement ring! Of course I want to meet Christian men, and yes, thank you, I am all alone. But I also need you to back the frick off and mind your own bidness. The bidness of letting me stalk hot guys and people from high school who have had babies and nose jobs.

Stalk ya later,

–Kaitlin

7 thoughts on “Facebook, You are a Shrew

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Facebook, You are a Shrew « Kaitlin Wehlmann's Blog -- Topsy.com

  2. Stephanie

    Who got a nose job?? I must judge.

    Also: I get ones about planned parenthood and “Pregnant? Alone? Scared?” all the time. Facebook is like that one friend you have who’s always trying to make you feel insecure under the guise of friendly helpfulness.

    Reply

    1. kaitlinwehlmann

      As far as rhinoplasty goes, I only have speculation, no confirmation. I do know of a few breast augmentations, though. Scandal, scandal. And EW! I guess the upside to being single is that Facebook doesn’t think you’re being irresponsible with your sex life. That was a great analogy; Facebook is “that” friend.

      Reply

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